Reflecting on the year that was 2022

Learning to Fly

It might sound strange to some but there were definitely a few years in my childhood where I didn’t really know I was blind. That is to say, the limitations and potential safety issues around having no sight were nowhere on my radar. During that time, I remember I ran about with friends; I knew my way to the playpark close to our house, I played hide and seek with the street kids, I climbed trees, fell over, ran into walls and ran across roads not really getting that cars wouldn’t stop for me.

Slowly, over time, and with my parents realising I had this blissful unawareness of danger, people gradually began to tame and restrict me. It was not their fault; free movement is obviously dangerous if you can’t see what is in front of you. Yet some free movement is necessary;  I didn’t register exactly what it was that I was losing because losing that childish care free attitude meant realising I was different in the eyes of society. It meant learning to walk with a cane, it meant trying to look/act sighted as far as possible. It meant missing out on sport/PE to learn braille and other practical life skills. It was years later, that I discovered yoga, and realised how much tension I held in my body. As I learned the ashtanga yoga primary series I found freedom in a degree of free movement once again.

The muscle memory began to return, the soul memory did too tugging at my heart and reminding me of a time when I had once ran all on my own with the wind in my hair.  A time that I wrote about here, a time when I ran all the way beyond the finish line at a school sports day. That was in the past though and wasn’t something I could ever get back … or was it?

Last Thursday and following our success at race for life, Isobel and I had agreed to meet up and train together. Isobel is a great coach;  she planned to do some drills with me - working on strides, slow jogs and fast sprints. I needed this to build up my confidence and balance. As part of her post injury recovery,  Isobel needed it too; so we were a perfect match.

On a quiet bank holiday morning, we headed over to the grassy football pitches a few mins from my house. The grass was firm enough to walk on, the pitches deserted owing to the holiday, the air cool and fresh. We did some slow jogs and slightly faster runs together. We worked on long strides and lunges, opening the knees and the hips. I was enjoying this, the movements similar to the yoga sequences with which I often begin my mornings. The soft, even grass was gentler on the feet and I enjoyed the feeling of boundless space and safety I felt around me.

Perhaps sensing this, Isobel casually said ‘why don’t you try some free running with me next to you? There are no obstacles here, no one else about, no trip hazards, what do you think?

That’s when I realised how wise Isobel was. I’d walked around this field with her several times by this point, I didn’t have to trust her word. I already knew the ground and she knew me. Her teaching/coaching instincts had got to the heart of something I didn’t even know I could still do, yet in that moment, it was all I wanted to do. I started to run, the wind blew over and through me. I smelled the dampness of the grass, breathed deep and ran, seeming to fly. Suddenly, having no sight was no barrier, in fact, I was seeing or feeling everything in HD; I was free flying and it felt brilliant.

After my first lap of the field, I just hugged Isobel; I didn’t have any words that came close to articulating what I felt. Reflecting on it now, it was just boundless joy, free, innocent and childlike. Yet there was nothing childish about it, because it was an adult, broken and bruised and blazing a trail. I was able to leave all my baggage at the end of the path and let go, be free, and fly over that grass. We covered a few more laps of the field as free runs even managing to work on turning technique. I improved my balance, and worked on use of my gaze point (yes, looking/facing where you are trying to go matters; even if you can’t see!) slowly my turns began to improve. 

I came home that day, letting Isobel know she had made my day, and letting everyone else know it too. From the neighbour I caught while putting out my washing to Katy who met me for coffee later that day; everyone got the story.

In the days since, I’ve reflected deeply on why that day was so special. There are the obvious elements of feeling free, capturing the enthusiasm of free running I’d not known since my childhood, but there are other more subtle qualities too. I’ve written before about trusting my guides but perhaps I don’t focus enough on trusting my own abilities. Nik has got to know me intuitively; she often calls me out on my lack of self-belief and rightly so. Others can tell you what you are capable of;  you can read and study and learn about running technique but ultimately, there must come a point when you believe you are a runner. When you trust your body and spirit to get you over the line. There is something else too, the element of surprise. By definition, surprise is just that, it is the joy of not knowing what is ahead. This can be naturally problematic if you can’t see (I don’t know there’s a tree ahead of me, I’d rather not face the surprise of running headlong into it!), but free running in this way gave me back that element of surprise and spontaneity, rather like you running out of your front door with no particular destination in mind.

While I won’t be able to free run my parkruns and races (for the safety of all involved!), I can find football fields, tracks and other safe spaces in which to keep enjoying this freedom. Not only that but as I capture more and more of it to memory, I can bring more and more of that free flying energy to my races. It can take both me and my guides to new heights and that’s when real magic can happen. So thank you Isobel for reading this blog and making something wonderful happen for me. Something that will benefit me and all of my guides, I absolutely loved learning to fly. 

My First Official Race

On the 22nd May I took part in my first 10K event; the Cancer Research Race for Life. On a bright Sunday morning, around 4000 of us gathered at Glasgow Green to walk, jog or Run 10K to raise much needed funds for cancer research. The Race for Life was one of the first races Nik and I entered. We wanted to get our distances up but we also wanted me to have some race exposure prior to GNR.

Sadly, due to Nik’s injury we were unable to run together. The parkrun family stepped in as they always do providing me with incredible guide running support. Best of all, Nik was there to support us and cheer us on from start to the finish.

Having never raced before, I didn’t really have any perceptions of what a race day would be like. I was a little nervous about being in unfamiliar surroundings, and not having run 10K plus for a few weeks I wondered if I’d be able to go the distance.

The energy of the day was electric, the music, the crowds, the warm up and build really fired up my adrenalin; being surrounded by familiar parkrunners from my home run made me feel at ease and added to the joy. The route was fairly flat so there were no major obstacles to contend with. I had to keep fairly close to my guide owing to the crowds, but in the main, I coped well with. When we could spread out and get into rhythm and move our arms, we did.

All along the routes, choirs, pipers, members of the public, volunteers, marshals and folks in cars cheered and spurred us on. Their kindness was so motivational. Honestly, the miles slipped by and I didn’t feel remotely tired. The day stayed cool for us for which I was grateful. I’m definitely more of a winter than a summer runner.. Most of our parkrun family running the Race for Life had challenges. For some of us, it was recovering from injury. For others, it was about building up distance again. For folk like me, it was about staying steady and maintaining focus and stamina. We all supported one another, keeping each other going when we began to flag.

Before I knew it, the final 200 meters were upon us and I was almost sorry it was over. We all made a great team but my 2 main guides, Sam and Isobel did an exceptional job. Sam kept our community posted with live updates on Instagram, as well as clearing the path to make way for Isabel and I who were obviously not single file.

Despite this being her first long run, Isabel stuck it with me all the way to the end, she coached, motivated and inspired, channelling Nik’s energy all the way round the course.

Nik and the rest of our support team were there to cheer us over the line; I honestly can’t describe the high at having finished. I was absolutely buzzing; it was my first race and the journey we had all been on to get there felt so significant. The people we had met along the way, the stories we had read and the support we had witnessed was humbling and inspiring in equal measure.

The medal I received yesterday is one I’ll treasure forever; it marks my first race. It also contains all of the joy, excitement and sharing of a fantastic day I’ll never forget. Thanks to everyone who made it so truly special; I hope it marks the beginning of many more for us.

Mini goals and disaster

So the ultimate goal is to run the GNR in September but with official events recommencing comes the promise of some medal bling and free t-shirts (all included in the entry fee)! Additionally, the thought of progressing from 5K (3.1 miles) to 21.1K (13.1 miles) can feel quite daunting. We were regularly running more than 5K so entering an official 10K event seemed like a good idea. It would give us a target date for reaching that distance so we could comfortably run and experience the buzz of such events.  I have never run the GNR before; I have heard that the atmosphere is quite incredible. I have run in other official events and can honestly say there is nothing quite like the buzz of the crowds, the entertainment and the encouragement from other participants. 

We entered the Cancer Research Race for Life 10K and the Acorn Trails Woman’s 10K; training was well under way. We had even managed to comfortably run further than 10K a few times so were quietly confident that both these events were manageable. Sadly, the Acorn Trails event was cancelled but the Race for Life was definitely going ahead. 

Then disaster struck; with 2 weeks to go I injured my ankle playing badminton with my wife, Laura. We had only just started playing again and, in pre pandemic form,  Laura was hitting winning and quite spectacular shots on a regular basis. I am convinced she is a former badminton champion or she has a practice court at work. I’m not usually competitive but this day I was a bit tired of losing every point so I turned on competitive mode. In so doing, I damaged tendons in my ankle and was told no running, sport or long shopping trips (genuine NHS advice) for 4 -6 weeks. Yes I am being a big bit dramatic by calling it a disaster; I was so excited to be running an official event with Ruth that it felt like a bit of a disaster to me. I knew that Ruth would be more concerned about my injury than anything else. I also knew, without a shadow of doubt, that one of the parkrun pals would run with Ruth. 

I put out the call to arms and within seconds a plan was formed. I phoned Ruth to let her know what had happened. She was, as expected, more worried about me but she was also delighted that others had offered to guide with her. 

Thankfully, I was able to go and support her and the parkrun pals running the Race for Life. Katie, Gray and I waved Ruth, Isobel, Sam, Karen, Ann M, Mary Anne and Louise off at the start line and saw them cross the finish line. Isobel was guiding with Ruth and Sam on standby just in case. Sam kept us up to date throughout the run with some videos and images of the run. It is Ruth’s story to tell so all I will say is she looked like she was enjoying every bit of it. We were all a bit overcome with emotion watching our friends cross the finish line; first event and longest distance post covid for many of them and Ruth’s first official event completed with ease. I could not be prouder of her and hope she does not under estimate the enormity of her achievement. It was only a few weeks ago she declared that she ‘was not really a runner!’; this being said as she was half way through a 7 mile run. 

Ruth, it is over to you for your story of your first official event. 

First a dream

Walt Disney once said ‘ all our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them’.  During my first guide run with Ruth I learned that her dream was to run the Great North Run (GNR), an iconic half marathon held annually in Newcastle. A half marathon is 21.1 kilometres or, if we’re being traditional, 13.1 miles. It is more than 4 time the distance of a parkrun. Ruth had already taken the first courageous step towards making her dream come true but even I know that training for a half marathon requires more than a 5k run every Saturday. 

I think many of us will admit that the covid-19 pandemic had an impact on our health and wellbeing. In the first lockdown, we were more motivated to be active under the misguided belief that it would not last as long as it did. As restrictions continued and guidance became more confusing the drive to be active diminished; unhealthy habits started forming and before long many of us were complaining about our clothes shrinking in the wash. I fell into this category, I was struggling to get back into running and made every excuse not to go out for a run (too hot, too wet, too late, too Wednesday 🤷‍♀️). Admittedly I am not a huge fan of running on my own and when I run with music I run to the beat. There must be occasions when I look like I’m running in slow motion. My motivation for asking Ruth if she wanted to go for a midweek run was about supporting her to run regularly; the reality is she would be supporting me too. 

As I was driving home from parkrun that day I realised that I had not asked if Ruth had a place or a guide for GNR. Places are allocated by ballot with no guarantee that you’ll be successful. It really is your luck; I know of people who have been very lucky in obtaining a ballot place on their first attempt whilst others have tried several times. I wasn’t sure how guide running in official events worked but I already had a place in the GNR rolled over from the previous year.  Offering to guide with Ruth seemed the most natural suggestion to make. I fully expected her to politely decline; I was pleasantly surprised when she accepted the offer. And so, the plan to make a dream come true was well and truly established. 

An unexpected event

In a previous post I mentioned that I thought many of the volunteer roles required specialist training; this was particularly relevant for the VI guide role. That was until I got chatting to Moira, a member of the Strathclyde parkrun core team, parkrun ambassador, prolific runner and all round wonderful person. She suggested I shadow Ruth running with a guide one week then volunteer to guide with her another time. 

I remember quite distinctly the first time I guided with Ruth. The wind was blowing a hoolie that morning; I seriously considered ditching parkrun for the comfort of a warm bed and a long lie. I had almost convinced myself that fallen trees would block every road from Strathaven to Strathclyde park. I knew I was ‘just’ shadowing so I wasn’t really needed that day. I could definitely just stay in bed but I didn’t; I got up, ready and headed out the door. I genuinely do love parkrun but there are some days I question my sanity and that of everyone else who turns up to run when the weather is at it’s very worst.

As with every Saturday, I spent time before setting off chatting to the parkrun pals; we were probably moaning about the weather as we all huddled together in penguin fashion. Sam was guiding Ruth that morning with Katie and I running alongside. We had our run plan and were confident that everything would be fine. As we approached the 1K marker, Katie started to feel and look unwell. Sam is a paramedic so much more useful in a health emergency than I ever could be. Ruth agreed that I could take over the VI guide role so off we went.  I had absolutely no time to be nervous about guiding for the first time. 

Within seconds we were chatting like old friends, putting the world to rights and running like we had been in this partnership for years. Ruth had run a few parkruns by this point so was familiar and quietly confident with the route. She uses a running tether; a small piece of cloth held by the VI runner and guide. The idea is that it gives the VI runner a bit more independence. Ruth was relatively new to using a tether; when she first started running she linked arms with her guide. She told me that learning about the tether had been a pivotal moment for her; that it was the closest she would ever get to running freely. In that moment it dawned on me that Ruth cannot simply just put on her trainers and go for a run; she will always have to rely on someone to run with her. It was the most humbling moment I have ever experienced.

I am happy to report that Katie made a full recovery and completed her 5K with support from Sam.

Ruth and I chatted and laughed so much that before we knew it we were at the finish line. Another parkrun completed for both of us, a new volunteer experience for me and the beginnings of a beautiful friendship. 

If you are interested in being VI guide with Ruth come and have a chat with us. It truly is a rewarding and humbling experience.